what if

What if I never told you I was scared.

selfishness

the older I get the more I realize that I am selfish. I thought that not wanting to be married or having someone in my life was fine and it did not affect anyone but me, but the sad part the main person that is affected by this is me, I have become immune to not allowing myself to feel what is real. I think my whole  life I have watched all the women in my family w/ men, and I promised myself that I didn't wanna be that woman, and somehow down the road I did, I allowed myself to be hurt, and I also allowed a man to control my life. After that moment in time I realized that I will never allow anyone to take hold of me like that again, and every relationship I have I purposely tried to get myself out it. and Now I am starting to wonder if there could be someone of my own that I can see myself with or am I meant to be alone. I have lost myself in my own space, and I believe that I am afraid to come out and take chances on love or even people. I realized that I am being selfish with myself and with my heart.... and the sad part is I don't know how to escape...

loving from above

Does true love exist? Does loving someone forever real? I believe it does. I think that we live in a world where having instant gratification is better.did we forget that love is a long process that starts w/ourselves. You can't truly love someone else. Its sad that we have to pay close attention to who we give our heat to b/c Betrayal follows love to close to give your heart away so free and willingly so how do we get back to loving the right way???? To know that there is. Only one way to happiness is to love and to be loved.

you

I'm asleep but my heart lies awake. I walk but no motion. I talk no voice. I hurt but I can't feel. I lost you I cant find me.
I sit up and wonder did you ever realize that you had a good girl?
everytime I tried to blame you I ended up blaming me.
I guess i never got over you....
I tried to get you to see that you had a good girl, but the harder I tried the more I saw how bad you was for me...
But you were the one who let me go...
No matter where I go I feel you embedded in my soul.
your essences is in my breath
your words linger in my thoughts
your face is imprinted in my mind, I see it every-time I close my eyes
I wish I could let you go.....

Dw

I have these feelings that I have never gotten out... Maybe because I am to scared to tell you... or maybe I just think my words are better left unsaid... I have never forgotten the moment we met.. every time I drive by the place your essence still surrounds me... I know I'm not over you, but its crazy I cant even get passed you... I know we long gone and over... But I still wish You could see that words that were written on my heart for you.. It was you all long.. it was you that had my heart.. It was me that drove us apart... that will be a decisions that I will have to live w/ for the rest of my life... I wish I could have been that girl written on your heart but I'm not... And as much as that hurts me I rather see you happy and let you go... I wonder if you wonder why I never call... Its not that I don't want to everyday I wanna hear your voice.. But I know that you deserve better.. I'm not sure that I know what "love" is... I know what my love is and well its not so great... I wish I could love you like I should but I cant I don't know if I have it in me... But for what it is worth you have my heart and always will. I hope one day that someone loves you as much as I did(even more)...this is to you... My heart that got away... I will love you forever

true love

I believe that loving someone is a choice and we choose who we love... I know it sounds kinda planned... but its not... think about it... BEFORE we go into a relationship we think about all the qualities that we want or need from someone( well women do...) and when we find someone we look at our list and compare and contrast and if your smart and the contrast wins you should walk away... But if your a settler and desperate you will stay... But if your compare wins you will put your cards on the table and so will the other person and if there are similar you guys will walk together and at that point somewhere in your heard you say" I could see us" that is in a way giving your heart away... we do it without knowing but we try to say that Love just happens... It doesn't its a process that we CHOOSE to go through.

love

Love is such a crazy word that we seem to use all the time... When I was little I wanted to be in love so bad... It was like the only thing that matter in my life... till I got older I realize that love is a job that we have to work at everyday and everyday is a new day that can be good or bad... You have to want love and want to work with the flaws that people have...( we all have them just in different sizes) Love isnt just another word for me anymore I know it means much then just a warm fuzzy feeling it means dedication, loyalty, and sticking it out even when you make me mad... I use to think I was ready for what love brings... But now I'm not so sure... hopefully I figure it out

making up my mind

I just don't understand how you got over me so fast... it's like you never even loved me. How did you erase me from your heart. everyday you seem to be apart of my life. I'm lost in your presence, that seems like it should of faded away, but it hasn't. I'm lost in you and your not there. how did you get over me so fast??? I wish i could hate you but all I do is love you. i wish i could go back to the moment in time where you walked and and said how i really felt...i wish i was the one in your heart.... was it that easy to put us behind you? how did you erase me from your heart???