selfishness

the older I get the more I realize that I am selfish. I thought that not wanting to be married or having someone in my life was fine and it did not affect anyone but me, but the sad part the main person that is affected by this is me, I have become immune to not allowing myself to feel what is real. I think my whole  life I have watched all the women in my family w/ men, and I promised myself that I didn't wanna be that woman, and somehow down the road I did, I allowed myself to be hurt, and I also allowed a man to control my life. After that moment in time I realized that I will never allow anyone to take hold of me like that again, and every relationship I have I purposely tried to get myself out it. and Now I am starting to wonder if there could be someone of my own that I can see myself with or am I meant to be alone. I have lost myself in my own space, and I believe that I am afraid to come out and take chances on love or even people. I realized that I am being selfish with myself and with my heart.... and the sad part is I don't know how to escape...