GOODBYE

This week has been a tough one for me, I decided that I was no longer allowing my cousin to be a part of my life. I know that's a tough thing to do. Don't get me wrong I love her with all of my heart but somehow she can break my heart into a million pieces. Ever since we were young she would control everything and always think that she could out do me. She just couldn't see I was just her cousin. She always felt like since I was the prettier skinnier young she felt like she needed to compete with me. It drove a wedge in our friendship. we stop talking after some time she had a baby and left her boyfriend and asked if we could try again and all I ever wanted was us to be close. This time was different we were finally adults life was going to be different. I was different I wasn't that little girl she could bully anymore and she didn't like this me and I tried to make her happy I changed how she looked allowed her to wear my clothes made her this person she always wanted and yet she always thought I wanted her unhappy. I just couldn't understand why.... So Robin.... This is my goodbye to you I can't be blamed for your wrongs, My heart can't keep breaking to fix yours. My eyes can't cry tears to make you happy... My words are left on deaf ears.. you were never alone I was always here or maybe you thought I never really was... But just know I tried beyond words and actions...

BYE....

Are you out there

I hear people all around me saying "there is a soulmate for everyone!" till this day I wonder if it is true. Is there someone for everyone? could it be true that dream guy lurks around the corner or am I dreaming a fairytail unspoken?
are you out there?
do we breath the same air?
does your fibers interwine with mine?
when God made you did he have me in mind? Or are you just a figure of my inner thoughts.
Could you love me forever flaws and all?
could you see pass the pain and shine through light?
Are you out there?
If so I hope your everything I never wanted but everything I needed.
I hope your out there

L.O.V.E.

Ever since I was young, I always thought that I would have the love that I have always dreamed about. As I got older I lost that little girl who once wanted that love. Maybe it was all the bad guys I got or maybe it was the lack of trust I had in myself or just the lack of trust I had in God. I woke up one day and I no longer yearned for love. Funny thing is I don't think I ever knew what love was... I thought for so many years love was fighting and sticking it out even if the relationship was toxic it was the fact we stayed loyal and didn't leave. I realized now that is not love, I know that with great sorrow comes great strength. I know all of the errors I have made has made me a better person But now I wanna know the real meaning of love.
L- for the LIFE i hope we share
O- for the opportunities to grow with each other instead of without each other
V- for the very deep feelings I have for you
E- for an Extraordinary Love
I know what love means I just dont know if I will ever get the chance to have it in real life.